Sunday, April 02, 2006
8:31 PM
Personal Problems
Wassup, peeps. Today sucked, personal problems growing deeper, all abt my family, my family is very complex, dun ask... i shall not reveal, until i feel like it... but i really pity myself for being in this cocked-up family, everyday war wage in a FAMILY, like wtf... and i'm just the neutral person, sitting there and listening to arguments and quarrels... everyday, my joy is coming to school, haha, away from my family, people may think i'm crazy, but they dun understand me at all, i hide alot of things, just putting up a false front. Everyday, i try my best to go home as late as possible, it's not about my parents, but... nvm. It's about my sister. It's about my Grandmother. My sis sux, but she still has compassion and love for ppl, my grandmother is wicked to the core, u ppl may think that i am very bad for saying these things abt my grandma. I have once told people about how i feel about my grandma and they all think i'm very bad and unfillial... they know so little... Once, i've went to read about bks on hell, and i told my friends about how my grandma is gonna be tortured in hell, they think i'm disgusting and extremely bad and cruel... again, they know so little... I could write an essay about my grandma and her doings, i am 200% sure u peeps will feel the way i feel and h8 her, but really, i am not that bad. My sister is just everyday complaining and complaining abt me hogging the f'ckin com and how i hv attitude, i dun even think she knows what's an attitude cuz her's worst than mine. SO FUCK IT. But she's not bad luh, really. I am a counsellor, i repeat, counsellor (someone who counsels ppl), not a councillor (prefect), i help my friends and talk to them to solve their problems and i take pride and joy in helping them, but who can help me. Once i called those hotlines that the assemblies always recommend to us. Those about students hving stress and etc. They can only do so much... hahaha, i've solved so many ppl problems but can't help myself, how ironic. Just like a doctor who falls sick, he has to see another doctor.. haha.. Wanna hear about my family, it is a very long story la... basically, my family is divided into two as my paternal ahgong has two wives, 1st wife and 2nd wife, i am grandson of 1st wife, but i like my 2nd grandma more, she is kind and gentle and adores nature... on the other hand my grandma is wicked, sadistic and treats plants and animals like shit. So my father's generation all has no problem abt the family and doesn't care who is the descendant of the 1st wife or the 2nd... modern generation knows better, they dun care, they treat all as equal... but my grandma just has to go up to them and cause conflicts and disputes among them, she goes to A and says B talks bad about A, and goes to B and says C talks bad abt B and den goes to C and says A talks bad about C even though nothing had even occured, thus conflicts occured and the family was looked upon as 1st wife's side and 2nd wife's side, now there were sort of suspicion between the both sides, all becuz of her, and that is since 20 yrs ago, the "fight" waged and my grandma was super biased, she kept clothes when it was raining for my father but not for my uncle, who belonged to the "2nd wife side" so wtf... she is so damn bitch la, i am indirectly calling me a grandson of a bitch, but i admit, she is a f'cken bitch, ppl all say i very bad la, i very cruel la, i very incompassionate la, fuck it, this is a fact. So all the disputes were settled and peace regained soon, but too bad, my grandma has to go be sarcastic to all and talks crap to all, so wtf la, everyday hear her talk crap, she's such a hypocrite, she goes to my father and say he's a fillial son, etc. when he goes out, she just goes shoots her mouth off and says he very stingy very unfillial doesn't spend time with her, all this anger kept in me, abt her talking bad abt my father, becuz i live under the same roof as her... and i dun wanna tell my father, i thought she was just joking and being sarcastic as i was young, as i grew up, i found no sarcasm, she was making real statements, thus i told my dad, he scolded her and says that she is very backstabber, etc. Then she comes be sarcastic to me when my parents are out like "WAH, SONGKO, SO GUAI ARH, U ARE BEST TO AHMA HOR!" in an extremely sarcastic tone(in hokkien la), i have to put up with this motherfucken shit every single day and i am getting sick of it, now she's "dying" as her legs are failing and guess what, i feel joy, haha, u ppl are thinking how sadistic i am, sorry, u ppl know too little... So she's such a motherfuckin cheebye la, i h8 her to the core, due to her sarcastic nagging and indirect insults, sometimes i just felt like dying, only my friends at school are keeping my hope for living, now it was peace and even i am typing, she's fucking shit nagging all the way, why doesn't she just die, she is a madwoman, sometimes making herself sound so pathetic, needing to wash clothes, clean house when she does nothing and my 2nd ahma does all those and she goes saying how slack my 2nd ahma is, wah lao knnbccb la. Once my ahgong couldn't take it and threw her a row of hokkien vulgarities, and that was 3 yrs ago, and she held a fucken grudge and is naggin abt that till now... wahlao petty bitch la... i h8 her to the core and i sincerely wishes she rots in fucking hell. Last time, when my ahgong was well-to-do and owned a rubber factory she was like "i am ur true faithful wife, she is just a mistress (referring to my 2nd ahma) and after my ahgong went bankrupt, she goes " aiyo, she is then ur wife, i am just nothing" , wahlao cheebye la, wtf.
sian
i shall not go any further
i am very vexed and fucked up ler
Sry for long post and use of vulgarities
i let everything out
i feel better now, thanks for listening to me rant
dream of your life
